Near likes L
by artemisgirl
Summary: It's simple: Near likes L. But the quest for Near to reach L's heart isn't nearly so simple at all. LxNear with slight MelloxNear
1. Part 1

**A/N:** This story was originally written as a birthday gift for a friend, Akane. It's a **HUGE** birthday gift fic, to say the least, so it's now being posted to celebrate Near's birthday, which is in two weeks. So you'll get a chapter this Friday, next Friday, and the last Friday, which is Near's birthday. Happy Birthday Near!!

**Near likes L**

**Part 1**

One day, Near decided he liked L.

In retrospect, it was quite obvious he did, really. There has been several indications and attributes that had contributed to his fast-growing crush.

**1. L could beat him in an argument**

"Killing is morally wrong," L stated, scooping ice cream into a bowl as Near watched with observant eyes.

"Agreed."

"No one should be killed."

Near frowned. "Disagree. Shouldn't murderers be put to death?"

L fixed his wide eyes on him, unblinking. "Why?"

Near fidgeted slightly under his gaze. "The punishment should fit the crime. If they've killed people, the justice system should-"

"Is killing people not morally wrong?" L interjected.

Near blinked. "Yes, but-"

"Then how can killing a person be right?"

Near faltered. "It- it's what's just," he said, trying to hide his lapse. "It's like in Hammurabi's Code. Do unto others as they have done. An eye for an eye."

"Hammurabi's civilization collapsed," L informed him, licking the scooper clean. "An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind."

"The death penalty restores order," Near argued, twirling his hair. "People are less likely to kill others if they live in the fear of being killed themselves. Also, those who are put to death can't kill again."

"So every time someone steals an apple from my shop, I should smash his hand so he can't steal again and to ward off other potential thieves?"

Near's mind spun. "What? No. Only for things like murder or rape-"

"If you establish this policy, what's going to stop people from applying it in other respects?" L asked, taking a spoon from the drawer. "Would it not turn into legalized revenge? You tripped and crushed my toy, so I'll destroy yours? You ran over my kid, so I'll run over yours?"

"But people wouldn't do that!" Near said, his tone slightly emphatic. "They'd be reasonable! Mello's destroyed my toys all the time, and I never go after him and destroy his!"

L turned and fixed his eyes on Near, his black eyes meeting Near's pale blue. Near shivered slightly, lost in their murky depths, feeling as if he'd been sucked into an endless chasm of black.

"Not everyone is like you, Near," L said quietly.

His eyes lingered on his face for a moment longer before he pulled away, wandering out of the kitchen to go eat his ice cream elsewhere. Near was left standing motionless in the middle of the floor, still, his eyes unseeing, his mind a tangled jumble of thoughts.

**L's touch was nice**

"Killing is morally wrong!"

"Is it morally right to let killers kill again?"

"They'd be in jail!" Silver argued, gesticulating wildly. "No one's suggesting letting them back out on the streets!"

"Bradford County, 1982," L quoted. "17 men killed their guards, escaped, and went on a mutual killing spree in celebration until they were recaptured three days later."

"They killed 36 people in the space of those three days," Near added, twirling his hair, his eyes blank.

L looked at him, giving him a rare smile that did something funny to his insides. "Exactly," L said, his eyes refocusing on his opponent Silver. "36 people that need not have died, I might add..."

"You can't make laws based on what may or may not happen!" Silver said, frustrated. "Some killers might break out of jail, some might not! You can't make laws based on something that _might _happen!"

In her enthusiasm, one of her waving arms whacked into Near, shoving him from his position on the floor in front of the couch into the coffee table, his head making a sickening crack. He winced, biting his lip hard, trying not to make a sound.

"Sorry," Silver said carelessly. Near nodded, hiding the pain in his eyes.

A moment later, though, L was pulling him up onto the couch, moving him to lie down on the sofa, his head on his lap as he examined it for lumps. The argument, however, continued undisturbed.

"By your reasoning, then, it is perfectly safe to keep volatile nuclear wastes locked in your basement because an explosion _might _only occur," L reasoned, his fingers softly curling in Near's hair, searching for damage.

"That's ridiculous!" Silver objected. "Wastes like that should be gotten rid of, not kept-"

"Are criminals not the waste of society?"

Near quirked an impish smile, and he could have sworn he saw L's lips twitch slightly in response. Apparently satisfied that Near's head was bump-free, L looked back to his opponent, though one hand lingered on Near's head, stroking his hair softly, tucking a stray lock behind his ear.

"You're twisting my words!" Silver exclaimed, mad. "We're talking about people's lives here, not biohazards!"

"Were we?" L asked, his eyes vague. "I wasn't sure. Thank you for clearing that up."

"Oh, you-!!" she raged. She paused, her vivid green eyes piercing L's. "Two wrongs don't make a right!"

"Is preventing more 'wrongs' not right?" L said mildly. His hand played with Near's hair, his fingers dancing along his head, his palm gently cupping his cheek, softly stroking his face, almost absently.

"Stop it!" Silver yelled, livid. Her eyes darted around, taking on a trapped quality. "Capital punishment is little more than governmentally-condoned murder! It shows no value for human life whatsoever!"

"On the contrary," L commented, his obsidian orbs fixing onto her emerald, "it is by exacting the highest penalty for the taking of human life that we affirm the highest value of human life."

Silver looked about to object again, before she turned and stormed off, fuming. Near looked up at L, who looked back down at him, his lips curved in a sort of half-smile.

"L," Near said, his voice emotionless. "Yesterday you argued that the death penalty was wrong. Today you argued that it was right."

A sparkle seemed to dance in L's eyes. "Did I?" he asked.

Near ignored his reply. "You always just seem to want to argue with us," he went on further. "You take the opposing position, regardless of your personal belief. Why?"

L looked at him, chewing his thumbnail thoughtfully, before shifting Near on his lap slightly so he could see him better, his other hand still playing in his hair.

"One of the most valuable skills one can have is to be able to argue anything," L said, looking at him, and Near stored away every word. "When the time comes, you will have to argue for what you want, and if you are found lacking in your skills, it might just slip away." He moved to get up.

"Ah-"

L glanced back down at Near, who had hastily bit his lip to restrain further sounds. L raised an eyebrow, questioning, and Near held back a blush.

"...where are you going now?" L blinked, as if slightly surprised by Near's question.

"My room..."

"Can- can I come with you?" Near asked, scarcely believing his own bravery.

L's eyes met his, and Near bit back a nervous breath. He looked at him for a long moment, before opening his mouth, one word escaping his lips.

"Why?"

He couldn't find an answer. L stood up, letting his head fall back against the sofa cushion as he ambled away, Near's mind still desperately searching for some plausible reason he could give.

**3. He was L**

"What're you doing?"

Near glanced up to see L looking peering down at him through dark-ringed eyes, his thumbnail in his mouth.

"...just playing."

L just stood there and watched him, gnawing on the thumbnail, while Near looked away, feeling self-conscious under L's gaze. Quietly, he resumed his game, hoping L would lose interest and go away.

Instead, to his horror, L said down on his stomach, peering at his toys, apparently intending to watch him play. Near froze, and L's eyes flickered over to him.

Near felt panicky. He'd just been playing thoughtlessly, no real thought or meaning behind it, playing for fun. L wouldn't be entertained by this. Not at all. He'd think it was silly and childish and stupid and Near'd lower in his eyes and Near couldn't let that-

"Tell me about that one you're holding," L said, his voice vaguely curious, soft and neutral. Near blinked.

"This one...?" he said, moving it slightly. L nodded.

"...this is Euniclides," Near said, his eyes darting to his toy, looking at it instead of the enigma across from him. "He's king. And someone's wreaking havoc across the land and he's trying to stop him before the storm arrives."

L nodded as if understanding. Pointing to another toy on the other side of the haphazard playhouse, he said, "And this?"

"That's Cain," he told him, picking him up as well. "He's taking advantage of the mark given to him by God at the dawn of time that didn't let anyone kill him by altering its power to turn it into a mass-hypnosis device that gives him thousands of brainless followers."

"And this is Cain's helicopter?" L asked, touching it. Near nodded, slowly relaxing.

"Yes. And right now, Cain is going off in his helicopter to Tower Doom to see Lachesis to see if she'll love him now that he can take over the world."

"Well, he'd better hurry before the storm hits, right?"

Near nodded, moving the helicopter around. It twisted, dodging imaginary clouds and missiles, and Near soon found himself lost in his little world like before, the hail of the storm closing in fast, the mindless drones threatening Armageddon, the whirring "buuuuun" of the helicopter blades, and the urgent time crunch they were all under.

As Cain reached Tower Doom, Near returned to Euniclides, picking him up as he devised a plan to unhyponotize the vast army of Cain. The best he could come up with that could work on such short notice was to put a slightly radioactive charge in the storm clouds so when the rain came, it'd alter the masses' DNA just slightly enough to not be affected by Cain's mutated mark anymore.

And when L picked up Peristopheles, Euniclides' sidekick, as they charged toward the nearest dispersing system, it seemed only too natural for L to join the game.

* * *

Yes, Near reflected, he quite liked L. He liked the mental challenge of arguing with him and the unfamiliar taste of defeat, he liked his touch, however given, and he liked that L was just L, undefined by the normal rules of world. Near liked L, and the fact was growing more and more apparent to him every day, until one day, Near decided to Do Something About It.

* * *

"Near?" 

"Yes, L?"

"What is this?"

Near smiled slightly to himself. "That's a list of how I know I like you, L," Near told him, clambering up onto the bed beside him next to L's suitcase to peer over his shoulder.

L looked back down at the list before looking back up to Near.

"You enjoy being beaten in arguments?" he remarked, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes," Near said, "but that's not the point. The point is, L, I really really like you, L, and I want us to get married."

L blinked. "No."

"Then can we be partners?"

"No."

"Can I be your lover? Significant other? Girlfriend?"

"You're not a girl, Near," L sighed, picking Near up and setting him down off the bed as if he were no more than a teddy bear. He moved around the room, picking up scattered pairs of socks to pack, stuffing them into his messy suitcase. "The term 'girlfriend' would hardly suit you in any way."

"Some other term, then," Near argued. "The name doesn't matter. I just want a relationship with you. A real one, like grownups have. Can we have that?"

L paused again for a long moment, before moving to sit down on the edge of the bed. He looked down at Near, who had one knee pulled up against his chest, and sighed once more.

"No, Near," he said. "We cannot."

"Can we date then?"

"_No,_ Near."

"Can we have anything?"

"No."

"Well why not?"

"Several reasons." L pinched the bridge of his nose very tightly before getting up and moving about the room to find where he put his shoes. Near climbed back up onto L's bed, moving to fold his clothes so they would all fit into his pack as L continued his fruitless search.

"Reason number one," L said, digging under the bed, his arms stretching to reach something underneath. "You're too young."

"I am not!" Near objected.

"You're twelve," L said, finally finding his shoe, dropping it into the suitcase from above Near. "Twelve is too young. You're too young, Near."

Near sulked. "I'll grow older, though..."

"Reason number two," L said, returning to his closet to get the rest of his shirts. "You're not emotionally mature."

"What are you talking about?" Near said, distressed. "According to Stern's IQ equation, my true age is 22-"

"Your mental age is not your level of emotional maturity, Near," L said, his tone tired as he returned with an armful of crumpled T-shirts. "Mental age is the level of analysis you possess. Emotional maturity simply means how mature you are in handling emotions, such as through life experiences, time, and previous relationships you've had."

Near frowned. "Okay... anything else?"

"One more," L said, dumping his shirts, letting Near fold them and put them away. "Reason number three."

Near looked at L expectantly, who looked right back at him. He sighed.

"Roger would have a cow."

Near exploded. "So???"

"So," L continued, "I find it has long since been in my best interest to _not _upset Roger. Despite being able to come and go here as I please, he _is_ still the one who runs the orphanage."

"We could deal with Roger, though," Near lamented as he folded the last shirt and closed the case shut. "You could talk to Watari, and Watari would make Roger be okay with it! We could do that, and then we could-"

L sighed and sat back down on the bed. Near immediately went to his side, looking at him, leaning on his thigh, and L sighed again.

"Near," he said. "It wouldn't work. I told you why. One reason we could maybe work around, but three..."

"I could fix them," Near said immediately. "I could talk to Roger. I could change my DNA. I could find-"

"Near," L said gently. His hand tilted Near's face up to look at him, his eyes meeting his. "You'd best forget about this matter," he said quietly. "You might not find a way, and I wouldn't want you to put all your hope into something that would fail."

Near didn't like the tone of L's voice. He didn't like how it sounded like a goodbye before his next case. He didn't like it at all. He let his eyes shine, emotion flickering in them as he looked up at L.

"All these reasons..." Near said, looking at him, urgent. "If the reasons were gone, could we...? Would you be okay with it? Like it, even...?"

L sighed, before a small sad smile came to rest on his lips. "That won't happen, Near."

"But if they _were!_ If I could find a way-!"

L sighed again, standing up with his suitcase. Near immediately sprang up on the bed, standing eye-level with L as he grabbed his shirt. L startled slightly, surprised, and Near pulled him a bit closer, meeting his eyes.

"If I could," he said quietly. "If I could, would you be with me?"

Something in L's eyes seemed to twist inside, morals clashing with something else, before he finally refocused on Near again and sighed.

"Yes, Near," he said quietly. "If you could find a way, I would."

Near just stood there, looking at him, his eyes wide, almost from shock. L had said yes... Near hadn't expected L to acquiesce, hadn't expected L to respond like that, hadn't expected L to ever want something similar of him like he wanted of L-

"Near..."

L sighed again, his free hand coming up to cup Near's face softly, his eyes full of regret. "I'm sorry, Near," he said quietly. "But I have to go."

L's hand moved, and the next thing Near knew, his lips were on his, capturing, sweet, soft, kind. The kiss was innocent, almost painfully, and chaste, and before Near could really respond, it was broken off.

L moved to the doorway, suitcase in his hand. He paused, looking back at him, silently, his eyes meeting and holding his.

"Good-bye, Near."

"Good-bye..."

Near watched as L left the doorway, vanishing down the hall and around a corner. A hand came up as if of its own volition, fingertips lightly resting on his lips, as if in disbelief.

_Near, if you could find a way..._

_if you could find a way..._

_could find a way..._

Standing there on L's bed, the faint taste of strawberries lingering on his lips, Near made up his mind, his eyes glinting with steely determination at his new mission.

He would find a way for him and L.

Or he would die trying.

* * *

What did you think of part 1? Love it? Hate it? Think it's on crack? Please, leave me a review and let me know!! 


	2. Part 2

**A/N:** I cannot _believe _my luck. I figured I'd be able to update this today on my laptop from a motel, as I'm on vacation, only to find they don't have internet access. My goddddd. It's not quarter til midnight, the end of Friday, and I'm sitting in a McDonald's parkinglot paying three dollars for two hours of internet time when I need five minutes just to upload this chapter before Friday is over.

You readers _better_ appreciate my dedication.

**Near likes L**

**Part 2**

The largest issue, Near thought to himself, was that he wasn't emotionally mature. Maturity of any sort always took some time and many events, so becoming emotionally mature was at the forefront of Near's mind.

The main way to become emotionally mature, Near supposed, would be to feel and experience as many strong emotions as possible. Experience always made you mature, and the more emotions he could feel, the more emotionally mature he would be. Near debated with himself for a moment about whether to proceed logically in a set order or emotionally with whatever ones he found before deciding on logic. If he sat around waiting for emotional experiences to come his way, he might be waiting forever.

However, emotions had never been Near's strength. He was much more used to disassociating himself with everyone and everything around him. Feeling crucial emotions, then, would be rather hard.

Clearly, Near would have to bring in an expert.

* * *

"You want me to _what?!??_" 

"I just explained what, Mello," Near said, idly twirling a lock of his hair, watching as Mello stormed around the room. "I want you to help me feel what emotions are like."

Mello gaped at him.

"You're INSANE," he declared. "You're absolutely batshit _insane_."

Near sighed. "Mello..."

"NO. Near, this is ridiculous!" Mello raged, storming around. "I mean, help you _purposefully _feel these emotions simply because you want to?? Come on!!"

"But Mello-"

"Have you forgotten-" Mello whirled around, his eyes glaring, alight, "that I _hate _you, Near??"

"No, but-"

"And has it occurred to you," Mello continued, not paying him any attention, "that this would be a HUGE waste of both my time and yours??"

"Perhaps, but-"

"But WHAT, Near?!?"

Near sighed. "You have a chance to make me weak, Mello," he said, looking up at him, his pale blue eyes meeting Mello's flashing amber. "If you help me learn to feel emotions, I won't be a robot anymore. Isn't that what you want?"

"What? You think I... I..." Mello paused, thinking hard, as if evaluating his statement. Near twirled a piece of hair, slightly nervous, watching as a devious gleam dawned in Mello's eyes.

"Alright, Near," Mello said, fixing him with an evil gaze. "I'll teach you to feel emotion. First, I'll teach you to feel _pain_ and then _hatred _and then _humiliation_ and then _pain_..."

"I've composed a list of the Five Primal Emotions that it is crucial I feel," Near said. He extended his hand, handing Mello a napkin he'd written on from dinner. "These are the core emotions all other emotions fall under. These are the ones I must feel." Mello blinked, frowning down on it.

"Happiness, sadness, anger, fear, love... pain's not on here, Near."

"Pain is not an emotion, Mello," Near countered. "It's a physical response."

Mello looked about to yell again, before he sighed.

"Fine," he said, extending a hand to help Near up off the floor. "We'd better get started then."

**1. Happiness**

"Happiness is one of the most important emotions a person can ever feel," Mello lectured. "People have the right to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. The point of life is to be happy. If you're not happy, your life is pointless, and you should die. So being happy is very important. Understand?"

"Mello, I don't think that's-"

"Good!" Mello interrupted. "Here."

Two pieces of paper were shoved in front of Near. He blinked, looking down at them both.

"Mello, what are these?"

"Shut up and look at them, Near. They'll make you happy."

Near lowered his gaze to examine the sheets. They looked nearly identical, and his and Mello's names each topped one of them.

"Mello... these are our last math tests."

"Yes! Now, look at the scores."

Near obediently looked back down at the papers to see the scores on top of them. A cheery 100 was marked at the top of his own paper, along with a sticker, while Mello's had a 98 scrawled at the top of his. Near glanced over Mello's paper, before looking back up at its owner, clearly confused. Mello glared at him.

"Well?!??" he demanded. "Are you happy?!?"

"Mello," Near said, puzzled. "How is the fact you slipped on the equation for a secant line supposed to make me happy?"

**WHAM!!**

"You did BETTER, than me!" Mello said angrily, his eyes flashing, his fist hard on the desk from where he had slammed it. "You BEAT me! You made me look like a FOOL, like a WORTHLESS, PATHETIC, #2! Doesn't that make you feel good?!?!"

Near moved back in his chair a little bit, Mello's flashing eyes making him slightly alarmed.

"No..."

"WHAT?!?!?"

Mello was towering over him now, fuming, livid, and Near once again regretted having asked him for help.

"You not doing well doesn't make me happy," Near said, uneasy. "It just makes me wonder where you went wrong."

"...oh." Mello seemed to deflate, his anger and rage escaping him. He quirked an eye to look at Near. "...you're not happy when you do well?"

"No. That's silly. Grades are a duty, not a thrill."

"You're not happy when you make the top of class."

"It's merely a step closer to becoming L. Should I feel proud of taking one more small step towards that?"

"You're not happy when I fail?"

"Of course not, Mello!" Near looked up at Mello, confused. "I've never wanted you to fail. If anything, I've wanted you to do better so I'd have the competition."

Mello seemed startled and then confused, emotions flickering across his eyes. He suddenly grabbed Near's head and held it still, bending down to look directly into his eyes, as if searching them for any trace of doubt. Near tried to remain as honest and truthful as possible, straining not to blink, before Mello let his head go and pulled away.

"Fine," Mello said, scratching something off of his list, before glancing up. "Next try."

**2. Sadness**

"Near. Look at this."

Pulling his mind away from Japan and back to the current task, Near looked down at the two papers Mello had put in front of him.

"Mello...? Haven't I already looked at these?"

"NO. These ones are _different_. Just look."

Sighing, obedient, Near looked down.

"...Mello. These appear to be our tests from 5th grade world history."

"They ARE. But LOOK at them."

Looking back down, Near read the marks in red at the top of them. 100, and 99.5.

"...okay?"

"I BEAT you on it!" Mello exclaimed, stabbing his finger down at the paper. "LOOK. _I_ got a hundred and _you _didn't! _You_ came in _second_!Doesn't that make you _sad_?! Doesn't it make you depressed?! Doesn't it make you feel WORTHLESS, HORRIBLE, like a piece of COW MANURE sitting on a FIELD-"

"I spelled Ghengis Khan 'Chinggis Khan'," Near said, his tone somewhat incredulous. "I used the standard accepted spelling of Asia instead of that of England. I got _half a point _off."

"You FAILED!! You LOST, I BEAT you, you came in SECOND-"

"But it doesn't matter-"

"-worthless piece of EXCRETEMENT, like a pile of DUNG, less than PARASITIC WORMS-"

"Mello!!"

Mello stopped his rant, turning to look at Near. Near looked back at him.

"It was half a point from years ago. Why would I be sad over it?"

Mello looked at Near for a long moment, then the paper, then back to Near.

"...oh."

Mello whipped out his paper, scratching another item off, while Near sighed.

This was going to take a while.

**3. Anger**

Near blinked, watching as Mello viciously kicked over his card rendition of the Eiffel Tower. He blinked, as if slightly confused, before looking back up to Mello.

"I kicked over your tower!!" Mello announced, looking pleased with himself. Near tilted his head, puzzled.

"...so...?"

Mello scowled. "_**So**_, I completely destroyed your huge pointless project that you've been working on for like forever now!! I _killed_ it! I _annihilated _it! I destroyed all of your hard work in the space of three seconds! Aren't you mad?!"

Near looked up at him blankly. "...Mello, you destroy my card buildings all the time. I'm used to it."

"No I don't!" Mello snapped, irritated. "When was the last time I destroyed a building of yours?"

"Tuesday," Near said promptly. "It was the Pyramids of Egypt. You threw your ball directly into them."

Mello made a face, shifting slightly. "That was an accident," he said, looking away. "What about the time before that?"

"Sunday. The Parthenon," Near said easily, watching Mello, whose eyes blazed in denial.

"That's ridiculous; I clearly tripped into that!! Name another!" Mello declared. Near looked at him flatly, one eyebrow raised. Mello sneered. "What? Can't do it, Near?"

"Saturday," Near said flatly, his eyes slightly narrowed. "The Hanging Gardens of Babylon."

"Keh!" Mello scoffed. "I didn't do that on purpose."

"You ran _directly through it five times._"

"Anyone could have done that! I was just exercising!"

"In my _**room**_**?"**

"-sure! Why not?!?"

**4. Fear**

"Mello, where are we going?"

"Shut _up_, Near! What's the point of blindfolding you if I tell you where we're going?"

"...Mello, how is this supposed to help me feel fear?"

"Shut up. You'll see in a minute."

Slightly annoyed, Near fell silent, entertaining himself by listening to the cars go by alongside on the street they were on. It was amazing just how much your other senses could strengthen to make up for the loss of one. He could head conversations across the street, the smell of pollution was thick and pungent on his tongue, and he could almost feel the sun scorching his pale skin...

"HA!"

Quite abruptly Near found himself stumbling forward off of the sidewalk, pushed harshly off of the curb. Near waved his arms as he tried to get his feet to catch up with his body, trying to regain his balance to no avail.

"Ow!"

Frustrated, landing hard on his bottom, Near tugged off the blindfold, looking up at Mello incredulously. "What was that for?" he said, annoyed.

Mello just smirked at him. "Oh, come on. You know you were terrified."

"Of what? Falling off of the curb?"

"No!" Mello rolled his eyes, his tone betraying his fury at Near talking down to him. "You were blindfolded and I shoved you into the middle of a road! You should have been terrified that you'd be run over, that you were going to be killed!"

Near stared at Mello.

"...Mello, we're in a deserted alleyway."

"Yeah, but you didn't _know_ that," Mello pointed out, clearly smug. Near looked up at him blankly, and Mello scowled.

"What??" the elder boy demanded. "You felt me shove you into the middle of a street! You can hear the cars from the main road going by! Why weren't you afraid??"

"Mello would never try to kill me by shoving me in front of a car," Near said simply, looking up at him. "If Mello were to kill me, he'd want to do it by strangling me with his own two hands."

Mello looked startled for a moment. Near sighed and got up, dusting dirt and gravel off his pajamas. He turned and looked over at Mello, who was still looking thrown by Near's sudden statement.

"What's next on the list?"

**5. Love**

"This is Linda. Linda, Near."

"Hi Near! I know all about you! You're number one in the class!"

Near watched through dispassionate eyes as the girl in front of him gushed over him, trying to place her. She was in the art electives, wasn't she? Why would she know all about him, then...?

"Yes yes yes," Mello said, rolling his eyes. Near turned to look at him, noting Mello seemed annoyed at her mention of Near's class rank. "Well, anyway, today you two are going out on a date."

Near's eyes widened as Linda squealed, wringing her hands together in excitement.

"I've always wanted to go on a date!" she exclaimed. "Especially with you, Near," she added, batting her eyelashes at him. Near fought to restrain a shudder.

Mello looked amused. "Yes, well, Near's very happy to date you too. Now, off you go!"

Mello had seemed to tell Linda that Near wanted to take her for a walk around the grounds. It was warm and humid outside, and the grounds were boring. Linda seemed to enjoy it, though, periodically exclaiming over the beauty of some flower or another or some other spectacle, while Near fast found himself growing annoyed.

"Oh, look Near! Isn't that marvelous?"

Obedient, Near looked.

"...it's a fountain."

"Oh, but look at the little dolphin it has in the middle that's spitting up the water! Isn't it adorable? Isn't that the cutest fountain you've ever seen?"

"It's a stone structure that has water flowing through it for the birds."

"Yes, but isn't it cute?"

"...yes. Of course. It's very... cute." The word felt foreign on Near's tongue.

"See? I knew you'd think so too! Ooh, look over here, Near! Look at this tulip-!"

Eventually, hot, sticky, and highly annoyed, Near paused at a rose bush, nimbly snapping a stem and plucking a rose from the bush, turning to Linda.

"To compliment your beauty," he said simply, extending the rose. Linda's eyes widened and she flushed a deep crimson, obviously flattered.

"Oh, Near-!"

She took the rose from him and screamed as Near pushed it into her hand, the sharp thorns Near had so carefully avoided himself embedding themselves in the soft flesh of her palm. Near watched dispassionately as the flower stuck to her hand as she yelled, shaking her hand violently as her hand bled, trying to get it off, before he turned back and returned to the house.

Mello was waiting for him at the doorway, one eyebrow raised. "Ironic," he commented. "Using a rose as a weapon to escape from a girl. A closet romantic, are we, Near?"

"You failed," Near informed Mello. "I have yet to experience happiness, sadness, anger, fear, or love at your hand. You have been utterly unhelpful." Near paused, his eyes adopting a sly gleam. "Though, I suppose it was only to be expected from someone like you..."

Mello's eyes flared with rage, and Near quickly found himself being forcefully dragged off in a different direction, Mello muttering about making a new list beneath his breath.

Near's lips twitched. It appeared they were far from done.

**1. Happiness**

"Here," Mello said, shoving something into his hand.

Near glanced down at the small white tube in his hand before looking back up at Mello. "... ..."

"You smoke it," Mello told him. "It makes you happy. You'll like it."

"...Mello, is this marijuana?"

"Yeah. So?"

Near blinked. "Marijuana is illegal. It also kills your short-term memory cells. I'd rather not."

"No it won't. It's not real marijuana. It's just weed."

Near looked up at him, puzzled. "Mello, those terms are synonymous with each other..."

"No they're not. Marijuana is expensive and grown specially in Holland. These are a bunch of weeds I picked from Roger's gardens and stuck in a piece of paper."

"... ...Mello?"

"Yeah?"

"Try again."

**2. Sadness**

"...tell me once again what this is, Mello?"

"It's a World War II movie about the concentration camps. Millions of people died. It was tragic."

"Did Himmler really think he could make a Nordic Utopia?"

"Who cares? Near, look at that. Do you see all those people screaming? They all died, Near. Isn't it sad?"

"That man there. Is that Himmler?"

"Er- sure. I think."

"He doesn't have any Nordic traits whatsoever. Neither does Hitler. Two hypocrites started this entire superior race that didn't even involve them. No wonder it eventually collapsed."

"People DYING, Near! Watch it! Be sad!!"

"Did Himmler kill himself too?"

**3. Anger**

_SMACK!_

Near stared, looking up at Mello, a little wary. "...you hit me," he said tonelessly.

"I did," Mello said, sneering. Near blinked.

"Why...?"

"Because I felt like it," Mello said shortly. Near looked puzzled.

"That's hardly a good reason to resort to physical harm, Mello..."

"Nevermind why I did it! I hit you, Near! Doesn't that make you mad?!"

"...no. Just fairly confused."

Mello groaned, aggravated, and Near backed up, eyes wide, wondering if Mello would try to hit him again.

**4. Fear**

"Mello... I don't think this is very safe..."

"Don't be ridiculous, Near. This is _very_ safe. People bungee jump all the time."

"Mello, those people are professionals who know what they're doing. They're not children with a bicycle helmet and a makeshift cord playing on a bridge."

"Shut _up_, Near! Do you want to feel fear or not?!"

"Yes, but-"

"But nothing! Bungee jumping is supposed to be absolutely terrifying!"

Near fell silent, looking down at the river below.

"Are you ready now, Near?"

"I suppose..."

"Then here you go!"

Mello pushed him, and Near abruptly found himself falling. His eyes widened as he hurtled towards the water, only feeling an odd _**boing**_ a moment later, jerking him back up into the air. Once again, he started to fall, only to have the odd _**boing**_ hurtle him upwards again, thrashing him about. Near closed his eyes, trying not to pay attention.

"How's it going?" Mello called down to him from the bridge above. "Are you scared yet?"

Near glanced up at him as best he could, the sun in his eyes, his skin tinged with green.

"...I think I'm going to be ill."

**5. Love**

"Mello, if this is another rash plan of yours..."

"Oh, shut up. You didn't die from throwing up a bit. And you'll like this girl. A lot more than Linda, I bet."

Near sighed but waited patiently as Mello brought the new girl in. It took approximately five seconds for him to realize his dilemma.

"...Mello, this is a boy."

"It is not!" Mello said sharply, looking at him as if he were nuts. "Boys don't wear skirts and dresses and pigtails!"

The boy between them squirmed, obviously wanting to escape.

"He's a crossdresser, Mello. A transvestite. He probably thought he was going to a girl dressed up like a boy when you came to get him."

"_What?_ Are you implying something, Near?!"

"Not at all."

Mello rounded on the other kid, his eyes flashing. "Hey, you!" he demanded. "Are you a boy?!"

The boy looked up at Mello, shaking slightly, terrified. Aggravated at his lack of a response, Mello abruptly grabbed the boy between the legs, eliciting a sharp shriek and a slap from the poor child who ran off, crying. Stunned, Mello stared after him/her, shocked.

"...that's not normal, for a girl to have balls like that."

Near rolled his eyes and groaned.

**1. Happiness**

This was fast becoming aggravating, Near thought, watching the clown Mello had brought in dully.

**2. Sadness**

Mello seemed rather aggravated too, he noticed, glancing over as Mello scribbled notes into a notebook as _The Titanic_ played on.

**3. Anger**

Really, could Mello have so grossly misjudged him...? Near mused to himself as Matt screamed out various insults at him, referencing his mother, his father, a dog, and the conditions of his birth.

**4. Fear**

He must have, Near reflected. Anyone who thought a rubber hand in a haunted house would make him afraid had to have had some major functioning part of their brain disengaged.

**5. Love**

As Mello dragged out some other girl, Near didn't even bother to look up from his puzzle until she went away. Frustrated and frowning, Mello crouched down beside Near after she left, watching as he did his puzzle quietly.

"...none of this is helping you, is it, Near?"

"Not really," Near admitted. Mello blinked.

"...you're a tough cookie to crack. But I'll find something to make you feel emotion, Near. I'll find something."

Near heard the vehemence in Mello's voice at his vow and he blinked, almost startled.

Suddenly, he had no doubt that he would.

**1. Happiness**

"Mello..."

"Yes, Near?"

"What is this?"

"That's a kitten, Near. Her name is Nina. Play with her."

"But... she's alive."

"She's a baby _cat_, Near. Of _course _she's alive."

Blinking, Near looked back down at the small kitten in front of him. She mewled softly, looking up at him with wide eyes, before batting at his oversized sleeve. Near's eyes widened, and he pulled his sleeve back, only to have her bat at the other one, playful.

Near played with the kitten as Mello reclined on his chair on the porch, seeming exhausted as he watched through one eye as Near played with the cat. Near smiled a little, scratching her behind the ears, surprised at the contented purr she made, and stroked her back. He held her to his chest, and both were equally astonished to hear a slight giggle escape Near as the kitten batted at his hair.

Mello sighed, satisfied, as he stood up. "Near?"

A slight smile on his face, Near looked up from his place on the floor, where he was wiggling a finger at Nina, who looked prepared to pounce. "Yes, Mello?"

"This is Happiness."

Near smiled, his face slightly flushed, almost shy.

"...I know."

**2. Sadness**

Near smiled as Nina crouched low, preparing to pounce on his finger once more. She really was adorable. Maybe he could convince Roger to let him keep her-

**SMASH!!!**

Out of nowhere, a huge boot came crashing down from the sky, crushing Nina underfoot in a screamed "meww-!!" Near stared at Mello's boot in horror as it twisted slightly, grinding into the concrete, a pool of dark blood slowly spreading underneath. Near looked up, horrified, tears shining in his eyes. Mello smiled, darkly satisfied.

"There," he said. "That's Sadness."

Near promptly burst into tears.

**3. Anger**

Shaking with further unshed sobs, Near looked up at Mello, who was still prattling on about the greatness of his plan, venom in the younger's eyes.

"So, I thought to myself, 'Well, after he feels happiness, all you have to do is take it away, and that's sadness'." Mello continued on, standing, proclaiming his greatness. If he'd looked, he would have seen a small white boy with a murderous look in his eyes moving into a crouch. "But then I had to come up with the idea for the kitten, you see, so I-"

"**YOU KILLED NINA!!"**

Near hurled himself at Mello, hitting him as hard as he could, smashing a rock from beside the porch into his face, earning him a bloodcurdling scream and a warm gush of blood from Mello's nose.

"Near-!! Stop!!"

"You KILLED her, you SMASHED her, I'm going to smash YOU-"

Mello screamed for help, kicking and shrieking as Near smashed the stone into his face over and over. By the time the staff finally got there, Mello was howling, his clothes stained with blood, and Near was holding onto his bloody rock, clutching it as if it were a prize.

**4. Fear**

"We're going to get expelled, aren't we?"

"Shut UP, you little prick! It's your fault we're in this position anyway!"

"We're going to get _expelled_, I'm never going to see L _again_, they'll throw us out on the _street_-"

"Near, shut up!! You'll give them ideas!"

Near held his knees to his chest, shaking, while Mello held an icepack in a towel to his nose. Near glanced sideways at Mello, nervous, before looking away, quiet. After a long moment, he spoke.

"...sorry," he said, biting his lip slightly, his eyes fixed on the floor. "It's just- you killed Nina, and there was this rock, and-"

Mello sighed, switching hands to hold the ice. "Yeah. I know."

Near glanced up at him. "...you know?"

Mello sighed. "Yeah. I went a bit too far with this, didn't I? It was a bit extreme. I'm sorry too."

Near's eyes widened slightly in surprise at this pronouncement, before smiling a little.

"...it worked, though," Near considered, and Mello turned to look at him. He continued. "You made me feel four out of the five emotions. In the period of 10 minutes, I've felt strong feelings of happiness, sadness, anger, and fear. You did it, Mello. You made me feel."

Mello looked completely shocked for a moment, before a slow smile dawned on his face, one completely free of malice. "I did," he said wonderingly. "I did. I really did."

Near almost smiled at the hint of pride in Mello's voice. "You did."

Mello smiled before pausing and turning to look at Near.

"There's still one more emotion you have to feel, though," he said, looking at him. "You still haven't felt love."

Near squirmed. "Right."

Mello sighed and thudded his head back, aggravated. He thought deeply for a moment, before sitting back up, his eyes dark, an evil, devious spark in his eyes as he looked at Near. Near nearly shivered, almost afraid.

"If you won't date any of the girls here... "

Near nodded, swallowing hard, frightened. Mello's eyes glinted.

"Then you'll just have to date me."

* * *

Like it? Hate it? Please, let me know in a review! Please, review!! 


	3. Part 3

**A/N:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEAR!!!!!

This is the FINAL PART. Enjoy!

**Near liked L**

**Part 3**

"Oi! Near!"

Near turned blankly, waiting for the one who had called to him to catch up. Matt slid into view a moment later, stopping short at his side, slightly out of breath.

"Hey," Matt said, nodding to Near in acknowledgment.

"Hello," Near said, non-committal. He blinked, looking up at the redhead, waiting to see what the other boy needed.

"Near…" Matt paused. "Why're you wearing that?"

"This?" Near glanced down at himself. "What's wrong with it?"

Matt looked startled. "Well, nothing really," he said, scratching his head sheepishly. "It's just… well, I've never seen you in anything but your pajamas, let alone a white suit."

"I fail to see why you're so surprised," Near said tonelessly, resuming his way towards the orphanage door. "It's hardly a big jump from white pajamas to a white suit."

"Yeah, but still," Matt said trotting alongside him. "It's like seeing a dog wearing clothes or something weird like that. Why're you wearing that suit, anyway?"

"If you must know," Near informed him. "I have a date."

"A _date_"

Near rolled his eyes. "No. I lied."

Matt stared, astonished. "You have a girlfriend, Near?"

"No." Turning a corner and the door entering into sight, Near was pleased to see Mello already there, waiting for him, decked out in all his finest leather regalia. "I'm his girlfriend."

"Hey Matt," Mello said, pulling Near to him quickly and placing a possessive kiss on his lips for Near to tolerate. "I'll be back later."

"See you," Near said as well, hiding his amusement as Matt's jaw fell open, his eyes bulging inside his goggles.

"Yeah," Mello said, pulling Near through the door after him, before leaning back and calling, "Don't wait up for us!"

Near was hard-pressed not to laugh.

* * *

"Mello…" 

"_What_, Near?"

"This movie makes no sense."

Near caught the scathing glance Mello shot him even in the dark of the cinema. "And _why _doesn't it make sense?"

"You cannot just rent islands off of the Costa Ricans, it's absurd," Near said, ticking things off his fingers. "People smart enough to clone dinosaurs from ancient DNA would also be smart enough to not use frog DNA to patch up the holes. Such people would also be sure to have automatic backup generators so the power would never go out. Also, when confronting with such a calamity as a full-fledged dinosaur attack, one's first instinct will be for self-preservation, not to document their behavior or examine eggshells."

"Near, shut _up_," Mello snapped, curt. "I don't _care_ if you like the film or not. We're only here because we're supposed to be here."

"What do you mean?" Near asked, curious.

"I _mean_, this is what you're supposed to do on a date," Mello told him. "I'm supposed to take you to a scary film, and then when you get scared, I'm supposed to put my arm around you. Then afterward we both laugh about it and go get dinner."

"But you know I rarely laugh," Near said, blinking. "And this movie's really not scary…"

Mello groaned. "_Tell_ me about it," he said, aggravated. "I mean, there's raptors and T-rexes running all over an island, they have _no _weapons, and we don't even get to see any gore of when people are eaten? This is _soo_ lame!"

"Mello… it's not a snuff film. It's supposed to be an action-adventure movie. You're supposed to want the humans to win."

"And those _kids!_ What kind of flaming idiot brings _kids _to an island with mutant dinosaurs?! _They _should at least be eaten! Or fed to the dinosaurs to stave off their hunger! Not _saved!_"

"Mello, if you were stranded on the island as a young child, you would want to be saved too," Near pointed out reasonably.

"Hell _no _I wouldn't!" Mello said flatly. "I'd save myself! And it wouldn't even be really hard, what with these wussy dinosaurs not eating anyone and only chasing them around in great giant circles the entire time! These dinosaurs are _so _lame! Booo!!"

Mello stood up, throwing popcorn at the screen, yelling crude things about what the dinosaurs could do with themselves and various orifices or their anatomy. Near winced, ducking his head and hiding under his arms as the security guards approached menacingly.

* * *

"Well, that was fun. What do you want to eat?" 

"Mello, you got us _banned _from the theater."

"Ah, it was a stupid movie anyway. And the theater smelled bad, too."

Mello was relaxed in the booth across from Near, his arms hanging on the top of it, acting like he owned the place. Near watched as Mello glanced around, raising a hand to signal a waitress.

"A root beer and a water, please," he ordered. "And an order of nachos and stuffed peppers, too."

The waitress raised an eyebrow at Mello's age, and Near could almost see her mental shrug as she went off to get them their food.

"So," Mello said, looking at Near. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Near said blankly. "You?"

"I'm fine too," Mello said.

There was a silence.

"_God_, this is boring," Mello said, thunking his head back against the booth. "This is like, the _lamest _date ever. Dinner and a movie. _Why_ is this so popular?"

"It's relatively simple and not overly expensive," Near pointed out. "What would you rather be doing?"

"Something _fun,_" Mello said shortly, looking around the place. "Like kidnapping a baby or robbing a bank or hacking the government or having a burping contest."

Near looked uneasy. "Mello, those things are hardly the romantic sort of thing on which people can endeavor to get to know each other better…"

"Bet you $5 I can steal that old guy's steak without him noticing," Mello interrupted, his eyes on a table a few away. Near stared.

"No, Mello, don't-"

But Mello had already gone, crawling underneath the tables, his black attire blending in with the walls and shadows under the table. Near watched in horrified fascination and Mello made his way over to the senior's table, bumped the table to make his knife fall onto the booth, and snatch the steak as he bent over to retrieve it before hurrying back to the table.

"Ha!" Mello said triumphantly, plonking the steak back down on the table, bare. "I told you I could do it!"

Near watched as the old man sat up, blinking, looking confused and searching around for his steak. "That was mean, Mello," Near said, his voice void of any sort of disapproval whatsoever.

"Yeah, so?" he said, uncaring. "Hey, you want some?"

Near shifted uneasily as Mello ripped the steak in half with a butter knife and his hands, watching out of the corner of his eye as he saw the old man summon a waitress, gesturing, clearly looking still surprised, while the waitress cast a dark look over at their table.

"Sure. Why not," Near said, taking his half of the steak in his hands and biting into it, watching as Mello crammed his half into his mouth.

"Yeah," Mello said thickly through a mouth of meat. "It's not like we'll be able to stay here. They're going to kick us out anytime now."

"To be precise," Near said, watching as the waitress stalked angrily towards them, clutching his dripping steak in one hand. "In three, two, one…"

* * *

"Well, I had fun," Mello said, looking down at Near underneath the light of the doorway back at Whammy's. 

"No, you didn't," Near said simply, looking up at him. "You complained nearly the entire time about how you'd much rather be doing anything else.

Mello scowled. "Well, yeah," he admitted. "But it was fun complaining to you."

Near's eyes widened, and Mello smirked.

"What?" he said. "Surely you didn't think that I'd just go out with you because _you_ wanted me to?"

Near fumbled for words, his eyes widening as Mello came closer, an odd glint in his eyes, and then Mello was kissing him hard, and it was quite impossible for Near to say anything at all.

* * *

Near broke up with Mello two weeks later. Mello yelled and screamed and ranted and raged and broke things and then went off to his room to break something else before getting over it an hour later when Matt told him he had a new game to kick his ass in. Near was slightly concerned over Mello's emotional outburst over their relationship ending, but he was relatively certain they could be friends. 

Not that they had ever been friends before, but Near liked to be optimistic.

Near mentally went over his list. He was emotionally mature now, so that was taken care of. The next big thing to take care of was dealing with Roger, and the last matter would take care of itself.

Near smiled to himself. All according to plan.

* * *

"Roger," Near said, peeking his head around the door of the old man's study. "If I might borrow a moment of your time?" 

The old man glanced to the door, looking tired and annoyed and resigned all in one. "If you must," he said. "Make it quick."

"Thank you," Near said politely, closing the door behind him, clutching a folder to his chest. He made his way over to Roger's desk, standing on the other side of it and setting his folder down.

"I'll get directly to the point," Near said, looking up at the man, "because I'm sure neither one of us want to waste any time."

Roger nodded slowly, looking suspicious.

"I want to go to Japan to see L," Near told Roger. "I'm in love with him and I miss him, so I intend to do so at the earliest convenience."

Roger choked, but Near ignored the interruption and carried on.

"As you have probably realized, this will require your consent," Near said pleasantly, "which I doubt you will willingly give. Thus, I have constructed a case to convince you that you should allow me to go on this trip."

He opened the folder. "This is a copy of my school record, proving how intelligent and responsible I am," he said, laying the page down in front of him. "This is a copy of the bank statement for the account of the school given for funding of educational trips just such as this. This is how much the plane ticket would cost, this is where L is staying, this is where I would meet him, and this is the approximation of how long the entire thing would take."

"The answer is still no," Roger said shortly. "I'm not signing your form to let you go." Near ignored him, setting his final piece of supporting evidence down on the table, watching as Roger's eyes widened.

"And these are photocopies of your private journal and picture collection, fully documenting your unnatural obsession with Watari, your pictures of him, and your photoshopped pictures of him that include images of you and him in rather compromising positions," Near said, rather unnecessarily.

Roger scowled, looking at the pictures, looked up at Near, scowled again, and snatched the form from Near's hand, scribbling a harsh signature and thrusting it back at Near.

"Thank you, sir," Near said, flushed with success as he gathered up his papers. "I won't waste anymore of your time."

* * *

It had been a long day, L sighed to himself, unlocking the door to his hotel room. Being forced to work with the Japanese Special Task Force was a _nightmare_. Didn't they see that he clearly worked better on his own? And when so many of those in the force were so _stupid_, it was a miracle he had gotten anything done at all… 

He opened the door, already planning to have a nice slice of strawberry cake to calm him down, only to stop dead in the doorway.

"Hi, L," Near said, looking at L from his place standing on L's bed, which he'd been bouncing on a moment before.

"…Near?" L said, uncertain, incredulous. "What are you doing here?"

"Today's my thirteenth birthday," he told him, and L blinked.

"…I could have given you your gift next time I was in England, Near,"

"No," Near said, plopping down onto the bed. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" L asked, watching as Near approached him, almost alarmed. How did Near get here? Surely Near knew better than to cut some shady deal with the yakuza to get passage or some other thing…

"I came to be with you," Near said simply. "I fulfilled all your requirements."

L paused. "…requirements?"

"To have a relationship with you," he said, nodding. L's eyes widened, horrified, but Near had started ticking things off on his fingers.

"I've felt happiness, sadness, anger, fear, and love, and I was in a real relationship with Mello for two weeks," Near said, moving towards him. "That constitutes being emotionally mature."

"You dated Mello-?" L asked, watching as Near drew even closer, and the small boy nodded.

"Roger has also been taken care of," Near said matter-of-factly. "He's signed a form permitting me to do whatever I want where you are concerned. It's a legally binding contract, one he was almost too enthusiastic to sign, actually, so that's that one done."

"Near…" L said, looking down at him, soft remorse in his eyes.

"And today's my birthday," Near said, finishing, looking up at L as he arrived at him. "The age of consent in Japan where we are now is thirteen. So I can be with you, L. I'm not too young anymore. We can be together now."

L staggered over to the bed, sitting down heavily on the mattress, Near scrambling up beside him. "L? L? What's wrong?"

"Near," L sighed. "Do you really expect me to have a relationship with you now just because you dated Mello for a bit and talked to Roger and aged by a few months?"

Near bit his lip.

"No," he said finally. "But I _do _expect you to be surprised that I took what you said so seriously and went to such efforts just to come and see you to be with you, as well as consider that I can help you with your case and you could use some intelligent conversation, even if you win all the arguments, and that you might like someone to hug after long days of speaking a language that's not your own, and-"

L looked at Near blankly as he rattled on, watching his eyes flicker with scant bits of emotion as his lips moved. He raised a hand, pressing a finger to Near's lips, silencing the small white boy as he looked up at him quickly, caught off guard, his eyes wide.

"If we're going to do this, Near," L said finally, "you can't talk through the whole thing."

Near's eyes beamed as L leaned down and kissed him, a triumphant shine in his eyes as he threw his arms around L's neck and passionately kissed him back. He shifted slightly, a soft noise escaping him, a sort of sound escaping L as well as they both lay down, and Near felt his face flush as he smiled.

In the end, he supposed, gasping and struggling to keep his thoughts as L leaned down to kiss his neck…

He was rather glad he'd realized he'd liked L.

* * *

Like it? Hate it? Love it? Let me know what you think! Please, review! 


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